While sitting here in Paris at a sidewalk cafe surrounded by happily chatting folks (all facing out to the street) at various times in the day and into the night it really hit me that, while I’ve read a great deal about it, loneliness in the U.S. is one of the main causes, if not the instigator of our eroding quality of life.

Here in France it’s considered rude it you walk into a shop or meet anyone without a hearty “bon jour”.   It’s equally as bad etiquette to walk out of anywhere or leave a person without a “bon jour”, “aux revoir”, “merci” or “bon journee” and after 5PM bon soir and bon soiree or even all of them.  This is also observed in the smaller towns when walking by someone but not in Paris because it’s so crowded.    People acknowledging each other.   Human interaction is a requirement at every level.  Not following these “rules” is why many Americans believe that Parisians don’t like them.  This was the case even before our current political challenges.

It’s also a faux pas to ask a person what they do for work.  Instead you ask about what books they’ve recently read or where they’ve recently visited that was interesting or have they met any interesting people recently.  While this is a very affluent country, the French put their value into who you are and why you’re interesting instead of what you do for work.

I don’t know whether it’s because of social media or just a general move towards isolation in the U.S. as discussed in the articles below that we are having such difficulties.   I do know that there are ways to address it at the local level.  City Club Missoula is a great example of bringing the public together to have not only community discussions but personal ones as well.  I sometimes wish there was more time to talk but hopefully there may be a way of doing this which I’ll propose to the CCM board.   I understand that the setting up and taking down of the tables and chairs is a task.  What if the board asked for volunteers to set up at 10 and take down at 2 (the events start at 11:30 and end at 1) and then invite everyone to come early and stay late if they wanted to have a conversation?   What if there was a moderated place on the CCM web site for people to begin conversations about the presentations?  I think both of these would provide a much richer experience for many and make CCM an even more effective element of Missoula and a better contributor to the community discussion.

I belong to several coffee groups that meet regularly.  Many times there is no agenda nor “speaker” but just a way for people to connect and feel like they’re a part of the community.   I encourage you to reach out to a few friends to get together at a set time once a week in a public place.  If my experience is anything, there will be people who stop by and possibly become part of the discussion.   It’s amazing how satisfying this is for the group as well as individually.

When did you last have a neighborhood meal together?   It’s not that hard to do. 

I have also recommended to the Missoula City Council to consider a form of conversation starter by placing benches along busy streets with a simple sign saying:  “Sit here if you’d like to have a conversation”.   Other communities have done this with great success.

When I return to Missoula I hope to organize a French Speakers Supper club that meets every month so the community of French speakers can come together.   Any interest?

We need to rebuild trust in each other.    

How Ford, Farnsworth and Berners-Lee Help Make Us All More Anti-Social. We’re Even Building for Loneliness With AI.