How to commit résumé suicide

"I am writing to you, as I have written to all Fortune 1000 companies every year
for the past three years, to solicit employment."

Maybe you should rethink your approach.

A surprising number of job seekers include on their résumés statements that are
counterproductive to their own best interests. Modesty is one thing; spotlighting
your shortcomings is another.

By MAX MESSMER
SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE

"References: Any references I might give you will be worthless because they
will unfairly blame me for many things that have gone wrong in my professional
life. Judge me for who I am, not what others say about me."

All your references are negative? Hmmm.

"Despite a low IQ and a spotty employment record due to outside factors, I am
not yet 40 years old and am worth more than a million dollars."

Impressive …

"Objective: My objective is to gain experience, and to learn from my mistakes.
So in the future I will use my knowledge and experience, and try not to make so
many mistakes again."

We hate to ask, but how many have there been?

Some candidates for employment go so far as to label negative sections of their
résumés as such. For example:

"Weaknesses: I don’t like it when employees ask me to do too many things at
once."

I suppose that extends to employers, too.

"Weaknesses: I like to do things fast and get them over with. Sometimes this
results in mistakes, but I’d rather see a job get done than not see it get done."

But isn’t there a middle ground?

Cover letter: "Even though I probably won’t get the job or the position I’m
applying for, that’s OK. It’s worth putting the time and effort into writing my
résumé."

Sure. What the heck.

"Reason for leaving: Quit on my boss’ order."

"You can’t fire me; I quit."

Finally, some examples that have been inducted into our Resumania Hall of
Fame.

Cover letter: "My work ethics are impeachable."

Ever considered politics?

Resume: "Please don’t regard my 14 positions as job-hopping. I never once quit
a job."

Uh-oh …

References: "None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me."

I hope you have insurance.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/75639_resumania24.shtml