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Do Yourself a Favor and Go Find a ‘Third Place’ – Americans are lonely and it’s killing them. How the US can combat this new epidemic.
The term, which was coined by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg in the 1980s, essentially refers to a physical location other than work or home where there’s little to no financial barrier to entry and where conversation is the primary activity. The historical examples that Oldenburg cites in his book The Great Good Place include French cafés, German American beer gardens, and English pubs, all of which appeal to people from various walks of life.
Today people frequently spend their leisure time in solitude with their personal screens. “Now we have on-demand streaming, and social media, which are further extensions of that fundamental shift,” he told me.
Maybe to drive home her point about the lack of third places in the United States, Giuffre said that she’s in the process of moving to a Tuscan village and plans to spend her retirement sitting in a café with old men, playing dominos. But for people who don’t have the resources to move to Europe in search of a pure third place—such as myself—she offered a bit of advice: “Socializing is a learned skill, but the last time we learned it we were probably little kids. So be kind to yourself, because you might be out of practice.”
With that in mind, a friend and I recently went to an old favorite called the Tip Top Bar & Grill, in the Bed-Stuy neighborhood of Brooklyn. It checks all the boxes of a classic third place: It has been around for decades; it is family owned; and it serves nothing much fancier than Miller High Life. We were there for a Texas-hoedown-themed barbecue, replete with great music and free homemade food. I spent five hours stuffing myself with ribs and making a couple of new pals who invited me back yet again for a birthday celebration. This was all on a Sunday night, and none of the patrons seemed too worried about getting to work the next day. On this glorious evening, the rules seemed not to apply. If only this happened more often.
By Allie Conti
Does your community have “Sit here if you’d like to have a conversation” benches?
These randomly located benches encourage people to sit and have an actual conversation with someone who they may have just walked by if the bench wasn’t there.
One of the worst epidemics in our society is loneliness. These benches are a very simple early stage way to address this and help people feel like they’re not alone.
What is being done in your community?
The Lonely New Vices of American Life
That the new vices are so uniformly solitary suggests that the national character might become more solitary, too. This trend is unsettling, but perhaps more alarming is that large numbers of people could become so oblivious to the upside of vice as to decide that it is better pursued alone. I would hate to think that, in our collective understanding of sex and gambling and getting wasted, so many Americans would conclude that the endorphins are the only point.
Are neighbors the key to solving the loneliness epidemic?
When neighbors build trust and connection, they create a foundation for resilience, health, and joy.
What does the loneliness epidemic mean for senior citizens?
Last year, the United States Surgeon General declared loneliness across the country as an epidemic, going so far as to claim that isolation and loneliness are a higher cause of death than obesity. Hit especially hard by high rates of loneliness are senior citizens across the country.
Can Cohousing Solve the Housing Crisis and Loneliness Epidemic?
This model is called cohousing: Residents own their private units, but share extensive common spaces. They commit to regular community activities, like meals, and manage the building together.
Americans are lonely and it’s killing them. How the US can combat this new epidemic.
“Most of us probably think of loneliness as just a bad feeling,” he told USA TODAY. “It turns out that loneliness has far greater implications for our health when we struggle with a sense of social disconnection, being lonely or isolated.”
