These pickup lines can boost business contacts

Having many introverted friends, I’ve seen sweat dripping from their foreheads, their stomachs tied in knots and their awkward conversations when attending a business meeting, especially when surrounded by strangers. It’s a common problem. It’s even happened to me, the quintessential extrovert, at meetings where I don’t know anyone.

By Stacy Sacco
Albuquerque Tribune Columnist

Several simple tricks I use in this situation could help next time you’re at a business meeting surrounded by unfamiliar faces.

In his book "Conversation Made Easy," Elliot Russell says, "Well before entering the door, you should identify your purpose for attending the meeting." Your plan might take the form of "I want to meet three new people" or "have an in depth conversation with at least one person" or "make five new acquaintances and remember their names." Having a plan will provide a framework for your actions and will help you focus on the process rather than your fears of rejection.

Another idea is to volunteer to help at the meeting. Working at the registration table is an ideal role because you get to meet others in a neutral setting. You have a set of prescribed things to say and don’t have to be a witty conversationalist.

In the worst-case scenario – a meeting where I don’t know anyone – I assume the role of "host." I typically look for someone who is also alone, and I rescue them. I greet them with a smile and a welcome handshake and say something such as, "Looks like you are alone, too." I follow with questions such as "Are you a member of this group?" or "Is this your first meeting?" Getting into the frame of mind that you’re there to help someone else will keep your focus off you.

If no one is standing alone, and everyone is huddled in groups, I might wait until the groups break up to line up at a buffet table, bar or exhibitor booth. In a line, the group members become a series of people standing alone, and I can once again approach a single person. My conversation starters might include comments about the length of the line, the choice of foods or what drink the person is considering. The trick is to lead with questions about something close at hand or that you are both involved with at the moment.

Other typical topics are sports, the weather, something in the news, etc., although I’d definitely steer away from anything controversial. Once I’ve broken the ice, I suggest moving to a more meaningful repartee including some of the following questions:

Are you a member of (the group meeting)? How long have you been a member?

Have you attended other meetings?

Where do you work, or what business are you in? What do you do for . . .?

Of course, my favorite questions to ask are "Are you from New Mexico?" or "Where are you from?" because most people I meet are not from here. Those questions lead to a multitude of directions about how long they have lived here, why they came, what places they have visited or which area of town they live in. Since these are more personal questions, they help build rapport.

If the attendees stay in groups and never break up, I head back to the registration table to have someone point out who the group leaders are, especially the meeting organizer or association president. They are typically standing to the side orchestrating the meeting details. I introduce myself and let them know I’m interested in meeting some of the attendees, in particular someone in my industry, and ask them to introduce me. When I’m being introduced, I let them know I’m new to the group and thought it would be interesting to meet people in a related industry. That’s typically all I have to say, and they then start asking me questions about where I work or what I do, etc., and I follow with comments or questions about things we have in common, or people we may both know.

Attending meetings with a purpose, keeping the conversation simple, playing a role and asking engaging questions can go a long way to overcome your natural shyness in an unfamiliar setting. And when all else fails, take one of your extroverted friends with you to be your spokesperson.

Stacy Sacco is vice president of marketing at Kirtland Federal Credit Union, an adjunct professor at University of New Mexico Anderson Schools of Management and publisher of the New Mexico Directory of Professional Associations and Business Organizations.

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