DIGITAL FAMILIES: Working on Internet projects can be bonding experience

In the beginning they couldn’t agree on much of anything. The project that was supposed to improve Ann Fearrington’s connection with her 15-year-old son, building a Web site, kept spiraling into conflict, even over seemingly simple issues such as color selection.

By Jonathan B. Cox Raleigh News & Observer The Montana Standard

"We had these knock-down drag-outs every day,” said Fearrington, 57, of Raleigh, N.C. "It was agonizing and horrible.”

After countless hours perched before a computer monitor, Fearrington’s relationship with her third child, Joseph Russ, has evolved into a point of pride, along with their Web site, http://www.studioann.com.

"We’re much better at communicating in a positive way,” said Russ, now 20 and a sophomore at the Savannah College of Art and Design in Georgia. "It definitely brought us together more as friends instead of parent-child.”

In the Internet age, keystrokes and graphics have become tools in the quest to improve family ties. You’re increasingly likely to hear about Web sites or digital photo albums bridging the generation gap, much the way activities such as a father and son building a birdhouse did in the past.

"The online world can be a hobby place, a learning place, a fun and entertaining place,” said Lee Rainie, director of the Pew Internet & American Life Project in Washington, which conducts research on how the Web affects people’s lives. "It’s logical to think there can be some pretty tender family moments related to it.”

In a 2001 Pew study, 20 percent of teens surveyed said Internet activities improved their relationship with family "a lot or some.” It also found parents who go online daily reported an improvement in how they spend time with their children.

And those findings might

actually underestimate the trend. Peter Grunwald, president of Burlingame, Calif.-based Grunwald Associates, an Internet researcher, said the complicated nature of families makes for difficult measurements.

Children "are in fact interacting with their parents around Web usage to a greater degree than, I think, is commonly assumed,” said Grunwald. "In a lot of families, it’s playing quite a positive role.”

Although he hasn’t queried people on specific Web- or computer-related projects in their homes, he said he’s able to draw inferences from other data. For instance, in many families, children provide technical support, which can be empowering while boosting

interaction.

"Use of the Net is something that quite often engages both kids and parents together,” he said. "The notion that there’s a lot of constructive learning experiences on the Net and there’s a lot of interesting things that kids can do with their families is something that’s been there all along.”

There are skeptics. Computers and Internet connections also can create tension in homes as family members battle over use.

"It’s not clear to me that the computer is a coalescing medium within the home itself,” said Joseph Turow, a professor with the Annenberg School of Communication at the University of Pennsylvania, who studies the Internet and families.

The 2001 Pew study about teens online, for example, found that

40 percent of parents have had an argument about the Internet with their children.

Fearrington turned to building a Web site when her son began shutting her out of his life five years ago. The mother of two older sons, she knew it was common for boys to withdraw from their parents as they got older. But this time it was more severe and it "scared the heck out of me.”

Russ had used computers since age 5 and was a whiz. She wanted an Internet presence to showcase her work as a children’s author and illustrator, and figured that teaming up would be "good for our relationship because he would be in the driver’s seat.”

Their time together has created many memorable moments, from choosing the name for the site to shaping its content.

"It has not only made us closer, it has given us an ongoing shared thing,” she said.

Building a Web site is among the best bonding activities in digital media, said Robert Schrag, a professor of communication at North Carolina State University who studies the effect of media on children and families. When publishing to a worldwide audience, people must think about how they want to portray themselves, which sparks more fulfilling interaction.

"You are actually involved in a communication environment that is real,” Schrag said. "It’s not like you are making a scrapbook of the family and putting it up on the shelf. That leads to a discussion on a level that is rare.”

http://www.mtstandard.com/articles/2003/05/20/featuresfamilymatters/hjjgjeiajbfggf.txt