Employees need the right kind of caring – More than work: Sometimes managers must step back and let people go, Tim McGuire says.

The e-mail from the reader was filled with the frustration of a letter written on a Friday night by a supervisor who was the last person in the office. This e-mail was like many others, filled with complaints about workload and the lack of resources. Then the supervisor described a problem employee management has assigned to her.

Tim McGuire
Special to The Spokesman-Review

http://www.spokesmanreview.com/business-news-story.asp?date=060504&ID=s1526407&cat=section.business

“She works hard, but at a very minimal level … I find myself more and more frustrated that I am not getting the help I need from an employee, but then
I feel bad about my frustration, knowing she has many difficulties in her life. Sometimes I get so annoyed when she gets annoyed with me for asking her to correct her work or complete tasks that have been assigned. There are so many things that are not getting done and I would like some appreciation for not giving way to my frustration!”

Thousands of supervisors could have sent that message. The supervisor asked, “How do you reconcile the overwhelming needs of a business with trying to be compassionate with an employee who is not sufficiently capable to meet the needs she was hired to fill? I am trying so hard to be mindful of her situation, but it is causing severe stress for me.”

This problem is not a new topic for me. I recently came across some material that might help. A friend pointed me to http://www.shalomplace.com/view/codep.htmlapp2. There you can find a fascinating little piece called “Caretaking Versus Caring For.” It makes eight distinctions between caretaking and caring for. Three of them are especially relevant to this case.

“When I care-take I assume responsibility for meeting the needs of others — even those needs which they should meet without me. When I care for, I do not do for others what they can and should do for themselves. I do for others what they truly need me to do.”

The supervisor needs to ask herself if she’s got the right set of expectations. Is she firm in them? If the supervisor has relaxed those expectations because of the employee’s perceived problems, she is cheating the employee, the company, co-workers and herself. The employee has to fail or succeed on her own merits. The supervisor needs to offer help when it’s needed without taking on the employee’s responsibilities.

“When I care-take I often try to control and manipulate others into doing things ‘my way.’ If it turns out right, I can take the credit; but if it turns out wrong I feel guilty or else blame others. When I care for I do not control. I give others the freedom to make their own mistakes and experience no guilt or blame when they do.”

Honestly evaluate whether the employee is failing, or if she’s just failing to do things precisely the way the supervisor wants them done. When we insist there is only one true way to do things, we’re controlling. Give people room. Let them find their own “best way.” Then judge their effectiveness honestly and candidly. If people don’t succeed, make sure you hold them accountable for their problem. Most employees appreciate that.

“When I care-take I often feel tired, burdened, and resentful because so much of my personal energy is tied up in others. When I care for I feel relaxed, free, and peaceful because I have more energy within myself.”

The supervisor who writes an angst-filled e-mail late on Friday night is definitely feeling tired, burdened and resentful. The issues around this problem employee may have become bigger than they really are. The supervisor may be taking so much responsibility for the employee that it is absorbing too much of her energy and attention.

You can care for an employee and create an environment for the employee to succeed without taking on the responsibility for that success. If we truly care for employees, they will get better and so will we. The enterprise wins, too.Tip for your search

Examine your key personal and professional relationships. Are you caretaking or caring for the people with whom you spend the most time? Figure out ways to step back and let people go.

Visit Shalom Place at http://www.shalomplace.com/view/codep.htmlapp2.